Sex can be an exciting and mysterious concept due to the myths and rumors that have always existed around it. In this article, we go over some of the most common questions about having sex for the first time. Did you expect them?
If there is one certainty, it is that everything you ever wanted to know about sex, in the end you have definitely dared to ask. Thanks to the anonymity of the various forums, there is no shortage of questions on the net. For this it was enough to take a quick tour of the web to realize that even if in many cases the questions and answers are relevant in others they are less so. Much less. Very, very, very … Well, judge for yourself! Here is some of the most popular questions about the first time.
20 First-Time Sex Questions with Answers
There is a first time for everything, says the popular adage and this also applies to… the first time ! Since it will be a first attempt in an area that you have never tried yet even if you have probably approached it in many different ways, from petting to movies, it will be better to avoid having doubts about how to have sex for the first time also because around the loss of female virginity revolve a series of myths and legends that inevitably also affect boys.
So let’s see what are the most frequent doubts and the precautions to be taken to make love for the first time in complete tranquility!
1. “What age should I lose my virginity?”
The age of the first sexual intercourse has dropped a lot and without running into easy moralisms we would like to underline that it is by no means said that “earlier” is “better”, quite the contrary. First of all, because when you are younger it is easier to be “fooled” by the words of someone older who presents himself to us as very experienced and whom we trust if only because he seems more mature, but to this it must be added that sex leads with it fantasies and issues related to our identity as people who could scare us a lot and destabilize us if we throw ourselves headlong without looking at how deep it is.
Try to be sure you want to have this first time because it is a desire that comes from you, not from the group of friends and not only from the person you are thinking of doing it with. Choose carefully the partner who will accompany you in this first time: if you choose a person with whom you love each other, there will be less risk of having bad surprises during and after sexual intercourse.
2. “Can i get pregnant the first time?”
The answer is yes. Is there a way that does not include a contraceptive to avoid getting pregnant? The answer is no. What is the contraceptive that protects me from possible STDs? The condom.
3. “If my partner and I have sex for the first time (both for me and for him) can we contract HIV?
So, this is an important question, albeit clearly a bit paranoid: venereal diseases are so called because they are also transmitted sexually … but not only! Apart from the HIV virus, which can be transmitted through blood and fluids (if you are looking for information there are many sites of the various associations that fight the spread of the disease) and under certain conditions that favor contagion (if you kiss an HIV-positive person it is really really unlikely that contagion will occur) there are other venereal diseases that may already be present without us noticing it and that may depend on other factors. In any case, refer to the general practitioner and gynecologist, ask them everything you want to know about these diseases, remembering that the general rule does not change.
4. “Is the First Time Painful?”
I would say no and it depends on many factors. The pain that can be felt during the first penetrative intercourse can be linked to the fact of contracting the muscles of the vagina, due to agitation; but also from the subjective pain tolerance threshold. So much does the “delicacy” of the partner and how much time is allowed for foreplay to allow for greater arousal. Most of the time, in fact, the penetration causes a slight burning and the pain, often, has to do with the lack of lubrication.
5. “What’s the best position to do it in for the first time?”
Difficult to give an answer that suits everyone, it varies a lot from person to person. Surely the most suitable position, the one in which you will feel less pain, the one that will make penetration easier, is the position in which you feel most at ease. For some heterosexual couples it may be the girl’s on top position because it allows her to have more control over timing and penetration and this makes both of them feel safe and secure. However, most prefer the more classic missionary position because it allows for greater closeness, greater intimacy and better communication between partners as well as being the most natural anatomically as the penis is aligned with the entrance and vaginal canal.
6. “Why didn’t my vagina bleed the first time I had sex”
Not every vagina bleeds like a stab wound the first time you have sex. Some women do not notice any bleeding at all, but it is true that some women bleed profusely. This comes from injuring the hymen, which is basically just tissue in the vagina. Every woman has a different amount of hymenal tissue, and in rare cases they are even born without it. There’s no way you can predict how much you’re going to bleed, so … you might want to leave a light on.
7.”Do I have to orgasm for it to count?”
No. Orgasms are great, but don’t focus on when / how / if you’re getting one. Getting to know the other body is just as much a part of the sexual experience as having an orgasm. Being able to learn what the partner likes and dislikes is part of the fun. It can take years to figure out how to orgasm with another person, so don’t expect it to happen right away.
8. “Will penetrative sex hurt less if I don’t use a condom?”
No. Condoms make no difference.
9. “So can fear affect the pain you feel the first time?”
Absolutely yes! When we are tense, the muscles can unconsciously contract and stiffen. This spontaneous and precisely unconscious reaction makes penetration difficult, annoying, painful and, at times, even impossible. The pain therefore could come from our fear that makes us too tense. But also the haste and the lack of attention to the rhythms of the person who is penetratedare important factors. It is essential to create a relaxed atmosphere and take time to caress, kisses, massages, so as to raise the excitement: in this way the tension will tend to decrease. In girls, arousal will promote lubrication and penetration will be easier, will not cause pain or at least make it much less perceptible.
10. “Can using a lubricant help you feel less pain?”
Using a lubricant can help decrease friction but also make intercourse more playful and erotic, for both heterosexual and homosexual intercourse. For anal intercourse, then, the lubricant is essential since the anus does not lubricate itself. It is always a good idea to choose a water – based or silicone-based lubricant when using condoms , to be sure not to damage it (as is the case with oil-based ones).
11. “Will there be blood?”
Bleeding affects girls only and can occur (depending on the hymen being torn), but it is not a fixed rule: in many cases there is no blood loss after the first sexual intercourse, and in many others bleeding it is light and it is enough to have a handkerchief at hand to avoid getting dirty. In some cases, the spill can be a little more abundant, but usually there is no need to worry.
12. “What happens to the penis during first intercourse?”
Absolutely nothing! There is no pain and no bleeding, and everything stays in place. In particular cases, however, there may be infections, inflammation of the penis or particular previous conditions (for example phimosis, for which the foreskin is very tight and it is not possible to “escape” the glans) which can make attempts at penetration annoying or painful: in this case it is necessary to consult a urologist before thinking about having sexual intercourse. Similarly, there may be guys who have a short, or very very thin, frenulum which can break during intercourse causing blood to leak. Rupture of the frenulum can happenin any relationship, not only during the first, and it is not synonymous with “loss of virginity”.
13. “What does it feel like the first time?”
You have a lot of expectations about the first time, but the reality is that very often it is not the dream we expected. And to say things as they are, it is easy that the first times in general, those with a new partner to be clear, are not that great. This is because the pleasure in sexuality is not only physical, it does not derive only from the stimulation of the body but it is also mental. Pleasure is given by emotions, intimacy, sensations shared with another person. To experience this mix of physical sensations and mental pleasure it is important to be able to create a relaxed and welcoming atmosphere, in which tensions can slowly melt away and leave room for play and intimacy. So let’s think of it as a sort of first step on a beautiful road that gradually becomes more and more pleasant to walk together with the other person.
14. “Should I use a condom?”
Even if it’s a first for both of you, it’s important to protect yourself. First of all because sexually transmitted diseases are not only spread with intercourse but also with oral intercourse. And then, in heterosexual couples, to prevent pregnancy. There is a false myth that says that with the first sexual intercourse it is not possible to get pregnant: wrong! Also in the first intercourse, as for the following ones, it is necessary to use a contraceptive method if you want to avoid unwanted pregnancies.
15. “First time preliminary?”
Absolutely yes! There is time for everything and it is important that you take your time… especially for foreplay ! The lubrication of the genitals is essential to guarantee both of you a beautiful experience in which everything “runs smoothly” and this is achieved by taking the time to discover and make the other’s body react: there is nothing sexier than realize that the other person likes what you are doing!
16. “Can I have sexual intercourse during menstruation?
It is a matter of choice that must be evaluated on the basis of one’s feelings. If you are fine and you want to do it there are absolutely no contraindications due to the cycle, it is more a psychological factor. On a physical level, making love for the first time with your period is no more painful than doing it at any other time. If anything, the pains could come from the cycle itself.
17. “How to overcome the nervousness of the first time?”
Simple: not thinking about it, reflecting only on the love for your girlfriend and on the desire to share with her a more than important, unique experience.
18. “Who is the best person to do it with, the first time?”
The best person to do this is certainly someone who feels at least a little affection for you and who respects your wishes and needs.
19. “Can I experience orgasm for the first time?”
Certainly, although the boy is certainly more likely to join him than the girl. (Female sexuality is quite complicated and requires experience on both sides)
20. “Can you get pregnant if there is no sperm leaking?”
Yes, because the sperm is not only found in the final ejaculate, but also in the liquid emitted when the man is excited (secretio ex libidine) which serves to facilitate the movements of the penis.
How to prepare for the first time
It may seem obvious, but make sure you both really want to. It’s perfectly normal to feel nervous or anxious about something you’ve never done, but don’t feel dreaded or pressured or like you’re sacrificing a part of yourself. Also, you don’t need to be “in love” to want to have sex, but you do need to have respect and care for the person you’re going to have sex with. If you don’t feel safe with a person, you probably don’t want to trust them with your genitals or your heart.
Even if you think you are 100 percent certain, know that you can change your mind at any time, even if it can annoy your partner (or yourself!). Listen to your body and your instincts most of all — before, during and after. If there is something wrong, they will tell you.
In terms of equipment, you will need condoms, and if you are the person with the penis, you may want to practice and try putting it on and taking it off first. If you don’t know who to ask for advice, you can safely rely on YouTube for the sex education you didn’t have in school. Practice in the dark after jumping in place a bit to recreate the most realistic heart-pounding and confusing conditions. For more date ideas and sex tips click here.
6 tips to better experience the loss of virginity
Will you like the image of yourself when you think about it? It is always important to do this exercise. It helps you evaluate if what you intend to do, one day looking back, will be a scene that will make you feel comfortable. Where you don’t like the idea of yourself in that situation, well then refer to a better movie!
Tune in to your right moment and not just the “right” guy. It will help you feel where you are in relation to your sexual maturity, rather than completely attributing the positivity of this moment to the other, and being more present to yourself during the act.
How beautiful it is to make love! Remember that it is not a “tax” to pay. Making love is made up of many things: it is contact, it is exploration, it is knowledge, it is a game … So you think about having fun, the rest will come by itself.
Agitation yes… panic no! It’s okay to have a little restlessness at the thought that you are about to lose your virginity, but if what you are feeling is excessive anxiety or worse, panic, to the point that you think you can only do it by getting drunk or taking drugs … well then stop and ask yourself what’s stopping you from feeling calm.
Get informed. The knowledge of your body and how it works, of how to reach orgasm, of contraception, is not optional, but it is the path to your sexual well-being. So ignorance is banned, study!
Get comfortable. How? Give yourself a long time to foreplay, make your body relaxed and comfortable. Avoid uncomfortable places and times when you don’t have ample time to dedicate to yourself. Ask him to act very gently through small and light thrusts, guide him on what you like and what you feel … and above all remember to breathe.