Exploring a romantic relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be an emotionally traumatic experience, not only for the person with BPD but for their partner as well. People with BPD typically experience intense fear and insecurity, which is often characterized by volatile mood, impulsive behavior and chaotic relationships. So, if you’re dating someone with BPD, you need to be prepared for a roller coaster ride.
Understanding this mental illness can help deepen the bond between you, so it’s important to educate yourself about BPD if you’re considering a relationship. Here, we provide a few tips to help get you through the complex rollercoaster ride of falling in love with someone with BPD.
Remember That Everyone’s Journey is Different
It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey with mental health is different. No two people with BPD will experience the same symptoms or life experiences in the same way. It’s important to be understanding and respectful of your partner’s unique situation.
Be Prepared to Support Your Partner
When dating someone with BPD, it’s important to be prepared to provide emotional and practical support. This can include offering a listening ear, lending a shoulder to cry on, helping manage day-to-day tasks like housework, money management and making sure your partner has access to necessary mental health treatment.
Recognize the Struggles Your Partner is Facing
When dating someone with BPD, it’s important to recognize the struggles your partner is facing. This could involve anything from being triggered by a memory, struggling with self-worth issues, or feeling emotionally drained due to ongoing hypersensitivity to their environment.
Understand That It’s Not Always Easy
Dating someone with BPD can be very challenging, as it often involves intense emotional experiences and painful feelings. It’s important to keep in mind that BPD is a spectrum disorder and the intensity of symptoms can vary from person to person. It may be hard to relate to your partner’s experiences, but it’s important to remain compassionate and understanding.
Focus on What You Can Control
Part of dating someone with BPD means recognizing that you cannot control or “fix” your partner. You can, however, control how you respond to their symptoms. It’s important to focus on what you can control – your communication, your actions and your reactions – so that you can set boundaries and maintain a healthy relationship.
Learn About BPD
One of the best ways to support your partner is to learn as much as you can about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Educating yourself on BPD can help you better understand your partner’s experiences, which is essential to helping them manage their symptoms. Online resources, such as websites like the National Institute of Mental Health, blogs and books can help you gain more insight into the condition.
Maintain Your Own Self-Care
Caring for someone with BPD can be both rewarding and emotionally draining. It’s important to prioritize your own self-care in order to be the best partner possible. Self-care activities can include anything from getting enough sleep to socializing with friends or going for a massage.
Set Boundaries
Dating someone with BPD means setting boundaries that you’re comfortable with. This could include anything from limiting contact after disagreements or taking a break from a stressful situation. Boundaries are essential to maintaining a healthy relationship and should be discussed and agreed upon by both partners.
Be Patient
Dating someone with BPD can be unpredictable and challenging. It’s important to remain patient and understanding, as your partner may need extra care and support during difficult times. With patience and an open mind, you can learn to recognize triggers and use coping strategies to help your partner manage their symptoms.
Stay Open to Communication
Staying open to communication is essential to a successful relationship, especially when dating someone with BPD. It’s important to let your partner know how you feel and be honest about your expectations and boundaries. This will help your partner feel safe and secure, and allow them to work through their issues in a healthy way.
Know When to Seek Help
It’s important to be aware of when your partner needs more help than you can offer. If your partner is struggling to manage their symptoms, it may be time to seek professional help. Seeking help from a mental health professional can help your partner process their emotions and gain healthy coping strategies.
Choose Your Words Carefully
When communicating with your partner, it’s important to choose your words carefully. People with BPD often struggle with self-image and self-esteem, so it’s important to avoid criticism or judging. Try to speak from your heart rather than from your head, and emphasize the positive instead of the negative.
Be Open to Compromise
When dealing with someone who has BPD, it’s important to remain open to compromise. This may mean having active listening sessions to try to understand each other’s perspectives or it could mean allowing your partner to express their feelings without judgment. Compromise allows both partners to feel heard and respected, which is essential to keeping a healthy relationship.
Show Appreciation and Encouragement
It’s important to show your partner appreciation and encouragement, even when they’re having a difficult day. Doing things like sending small gestures of love, writing a heartfelt note or taking them out for a special date can help your partner stay motivated and focused on their recovery.
Dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder can be a rollercoaster ride, but understanding the illness and utilizing the above tips can help you both to have a more fulfilling and successful relationship. Remember to be patient and understanding, and speak from the heart rather than the head. With communication, education and plenty of self-care, you can have a successful relationship that is built on love, empathy and understanding.
