Why Can’t I Make Friends? Making friends can seem like a daunting task to many individuals. Nonetheless, it is an important step in developing an individual’s social skills and mental wellbeing. One of the scariest realities is that the more isolated a person becomes, the more they tend to remain isolated. As humans, we gravitate towards others, so lack of social skills is not only a mistake but can be detrimental to our health. If you’re having trouble making friends, you are not alone and here are some common reasons why you may find it difficult.

Social Anxiety

One of the most common reasons why people cannot make friends is due to social anxiety. Social anxiety is a fear or worry of being judged or embarrassed due to speaking or acting in majority of social environments or public places. It can be a big obstacle in meeting new people, and individuals with social anxiety are rarely spontaneous in striking up conversations. The fear of judgement can also make a person overly aware of their own flaws and insecurities, and quickly become overwhelmed in any social situation.


While some people can be considered ‘social introverts’, without having any form of mental illness or extreme shyness, that may also attribute to why they cannot make friends so easily. Introversion features a shyness or aversion to social engagements and loudness in particular. This is different from social anxiety in that strong social skills are not the main deterrent; rather, the individual would rather choose to remain solo than to engage with others. Generally speaking, introverts usually remain in the background and only strike up conversations when they’ve grown more comfortable with their environment and the people in it.

Different Interests

People typically tend to develop deep relationships with those that are like minded, and when someone does not have a lot of shared interests, it can be hard to form a lasting connection. Also, when someone carries a general attitude of disinterest in the world, it may be difficult for them to share stories and experiences which can be good for starting conversations.

Lack of Confidence

People don’t look for confidence in only external success, but of inner confidence as well. Low self-worth, low self-esteem, shame or guilt can be major factors, since most friendships are founded on the idea that both parties bring something value to the relationship. When you don’t feel like you have much to offer, you might be more disinclined to be social.


It’s easy to make friends when you’re home and surrounded by familiar faces, but when you’re far away, in a foreign place or without the people you’d usually rely on to help open doors, meeting new people can be a challenge. When we are in a new setting we are uncertain how to act and how to fit in, and we often don’t know where to start.

Leadership Potential

When in a group setting, people often look to someone who shows potential as a leader. Unless you’re good at leading conversations and can think on your feet, making friends can become a daunting task as it requires quick thinking and good communication.

How to Reconnect With Friends

  1. Reach out – reach out to old friends and bring up old memories, even if it’s been a while since you’ve connected.

  2. Maintain contact – stay in contact with friends, even if it’s through digital platforms like social media platforms and text messages. Regular contact helps to keep friendships from fading.

  3. Make plans – create a set time on a regular schedule for friends and stick to those plans. If a plan gets cancelled, reschedule the next get-together immediately.

  4. Make time for long conversations – set aside some time to talk about life and create a comfortable and safe space for real and honest conversations.

  5. Take initiative – make plans and invite old friends, demonstrate that you value the connection.

How to Make Friends

  1. Be Friendly – Be sure to smile, be friendly, and strive to be approachable in social settings.

  2. Participate – Take part in activities that you like, so that you can meet people in similar circles.

  3. Stick With It – It takes time to form relationships, so don’t give up easily on others that you’ve just started talking to.

  4. Show Interest – Ask meaningful questions and show interest in what they have to say.

  5. Genuinely Care – Demonstrate that you care about the person, care about their well-being, and that you are open for the relationship to develop.

  6. Have Confidence – Feel proud of what you have to offer especially with your talents and abilities, and have confidence in yourself. Building relationships often goes hand in hand with having confidence in yourself and your body language

  7. Commit To A Regular Routine – Whether it is a hobby or activity that you enjoy, it helps to have a regular routine that you can keep up with to meet new people along the way too.

Humans are inherently social creatures and making friends is one of the best ways to find fulfillment in life. It’s important to recognize that there are undoubtedly a few reasons why we might be having a hard time making friends, with the top reasons being social anxiety, introversion, different interests, lack of confidence, distance, and leadership potential. It’s important to keep in mind that developing friendships takes time and that it won’t happen overnight. It’s important to be patient and take the correct steps to reach out to old friends and make new ones. There are little things that you can do, like being friendly, participating in activities that you like, sticking with it, showing interest, genuinely caring and having confidence. Additionally, commit to a regular routine so that you can continually meet new people.

Although it can be difficult at first, making friends is an integral part of life and can lead to a plethora of positive experiences. It’s important to remember that everyone experiences difficulties in making friends at times, so you are not alone. If you take the steps and patience, not only can you make friends, but you can also even help others by allowing them to be a part of your journey.

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