According to several studies, there is a very close link between humor and intelligence. In fact, understanding a joke seems to require an important effort to the brain and requires a certain mental elasticity. The secret to living a happy life? Don’t take yourself too seriously! To reiterate this fundamental concept, we have collected for you a series of ironic, funny and at the same time profound quotes on the meaning of life!
It is no coincidence that many famous aphorists in history have produced numerous funny quotes that highlight their intelligence and creative flair.
Here is a nice collection of the most beautiful funny quotes written and pronounced by great historical figures, entertainment and literature. Discover them now!
Table of Contents
The best funny quotes
Are you out of sorts and need a good laugh? You just have to read this long list of funny quotes to share on social networks or with your loved ones! Since fun is never enough, stop and read this quotes which will make your day better. What’s better than starting the day with a happy or funny quote?
😂Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
😂Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.
😂My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.
😂Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.
😂If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
😂They say ‘don’t try this at home’ so I’m coming over to your house to try it.
😂When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Sincerely, the floor.
😂I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
😂Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
😂Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.
😂IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got.
😂What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
😂My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.
😂Why was six scared of seven? Because seven “ate” nine.
😂At night, I can’t fall asleep. In the morning, I can’t get up.
😂My windows aren’t dirty, my dog is painting.
😂Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
😂Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.
😂If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need.
😂Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you.
😂When nothing is going right, go left.
😂Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
😂If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
😂If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
😂Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.
😂Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.
😂My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
😂If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.
😂I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Socrates
😂Papercut: A tree’s final moment of revenge.
😂I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.
😂A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
😂I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon.
😂My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
😂Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them.
😂I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
😂No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store.
😂Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.
😂I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.
Funny quotes about life
Not just moments for the topical moments of the day such as the evening and the morning: a joke or a funny quote almost always suits you, especially if you are considered the nice of the group among friends. Read this quotes about life and amuse your friends and loved ones. You can share it on social media and becom the funniest person on Facebook or Instagram.
😀The only power you have is the word ‘no’. Frances McDormand
😀Art doesn’t transform. It just plain forms. Roy Lichtenstein
😀I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
😀Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.
😀I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
😀You wanna know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.
😀We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
😀My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
😀When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.
😀Relax, it’s the weekend, just don’t blink or it will be all over.
😀All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
😀The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. – Walter Bagehot
😀Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.
😀We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much.
😀I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Pat Sajak
😀When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. It has nothing new to tell you.
😀Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.
😀If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.
😀I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
😀I don’t know how to act my age because I’ve never been this old before.
😀You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans.
😀Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.
😀I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
😀Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day.
😀My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.
😀It’s alright if you don’t agree with me, I can’t force you to be right.
😀I’m not arguing, I’m just telling you why you’re wrong.
😀Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
😀I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.
😀A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
😀A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.
😀Sorry, I didn’t pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.
😀I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
😀Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.
😀Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck.
😀I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow.
😀The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. We have a connection.
😀I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash.
😀Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
😀I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. ‘Alright, get in the basket.’
😀Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that’s confusing.
😀The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep.
😀If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
Funny motivational quotes
What’s better than starting the day with a happy or funny quote? If it is your habit to share good morning funny motivational quotes with friends or partner, here are some ideas to start the day on the right foot. Read below the funny motivational quotes and let yourself to laugh and be happy.
😄The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” Terry Pratchett
😄I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms” Michael Scott
😄Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” Billie Burke
😄Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” Dwight D. Eisenhower
😄The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” Ayn Rand
😄You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” Robin Williams
😄Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” Robert Bloch
😄Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” Jason Love
😄Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thomas Eddison
😄Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” Audrey Hepburn
😄Think like a proton. Always positive.” Unknown
😄The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” Will Rogers
😄People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar
😄Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” Unknown
😄I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” Benjamin Franklin
😄By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” Robert Frost
😄Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” Jeffrey Gitomer
😄The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” Joe Girard
😄You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” Steven Wright
😄Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
😄Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach
😄People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” Winnie the Pooh
😄A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” Mark Twain
😄If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” Dalai Lama
😄When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” Cathy Guisewite
😄Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” Charles Schulz
😄Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” Tom Lehrer
😄I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.” Cassandra Duffy
😄I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” Unknown
😄If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” Elvis Presley
😄Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” Franklin P. Jones
😄I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” Oscar Wilde
😄I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin
😄Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” Marilyn Monroe
😄A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” Unknown
Funny friendship quotes
There is something about getting a good laugh that makes your day a million times better. Not only can humor balance your mood, but it can add that much of joy to your day to overcome any crises that are holding you back from being the best of yourself. Friendship is the spice of life, sometimes more than love, and it is to friends that we turn to in the saddest moments to cheer up, but also in happy moments to share joy (or at least it should be so). Here are a handful of friendship quotes that will make you smile.
😁It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
😁If you are lucky enough to find a weirdo, never them go.
😁No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.
😁If I send you my ugly selfies, our friendship is real.
😁It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like, ‘What about lunch?'” “WinnieThePooh” by A.A. Milne
😁It’s important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to the friendship that we are not.” Mignon McLaughlin
😁I will text you 50 times in a row and feel no shame. You’re my friend, you literally signed up for this.
😁I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell you see, I have friends in both places.” Mark Twain
😁If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal.” Oprah Winfrey
😁Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.” Greg Tamblyn
😁Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.
😁Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard.
😁Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.
😁Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans. Unknown
😁If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything. Unknown
😁Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive. Unknown
😁Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. Oprah Winfrey
😁We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing. Unknown
😁Best friend: the one that you can mad only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them. Unknown
😁I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the head. But like in the leg or something. Unknown
😁You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you. Unknown
😁Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’ Cookie Monster
😁A good friend will help you move. But best friend will help you move a dead body. Jim Hayes
😁Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway. Greg Tamblyn
😁Good friends discuss their sex lives. Best friends talk about poop. Unknown
😁A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. Bernard Meltzer
😁I hope we’re friend until we die. Then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the shit out of people. Unknown
😁Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone. Unknown
😁You and I are more than friends. We’re like a really small gang. Unknown
😁Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry. Unknown
The most beautiful funny quotes
Even love – despite its sacredness – always lends itself to irony and jokes, and indeed being able to make your partner laugh can be a very beautiful and important moment of intimacy. In short, even love lends itself very well to irony, here are some beautiful quotes to make your beloved smile. Read below and choose the most beautiful funny quote for your loved one or a friend to share with.
🤭If only common sense were more common.
🤭Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?
🤭My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.
🤭There’s life without Facebook and internet? Really? Send me the link.
🤭I am too lazy to be lazy.
🤭You can’t have everything, where would you put it? Steven Alexander Wright
🤭Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories.
🤭I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.
🤭Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
🤭When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh.
🤭Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text.
🤭Never judge a book by its movie.
🤭Don’t worry, the spider is smaller than you. Yeah, so is a grenade.
🤭Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. P.D. East
🤭If you don’t succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
🤭I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.
🤭I may not know karate, but I know crazy and I’m not afraid to use it.
🤭I don’t like morning people, or mornings, or people.
🤭Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.
🤭I have a new hairstyle today, it’s called ‘I tried.’
🤭I didn’t mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button.
🤭People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
🤭I’m going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I’m outstanding.
🤭Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
🤭Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday.
🤭The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein
🤭Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.
🤭I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
🤭I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition.
🤭Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. Alison Boulter
🤭Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.
🤭Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
🤭Who says nothing is impossible? I’ve been doing nothing for years.
🤭I’m old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.
🤭If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ and I’ll turn around..
🤭I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge.
🤭Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?
🤭All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles M. Schulz
🤭I eat cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere today.
🤭I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays.
🤭If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
🤭When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.
🤭I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
🤭I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.
🤭Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Albert King
🤭What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.
🤭Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you.
🤭I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.
🤭I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
🤭I don’t go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
🤭To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you.
🤭Never ask a starfish for directions.
🤭Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
🤭I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up?
🤭Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
🤭If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
🤭Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
🤭Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?
🤭Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite.
🤭Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.
🤭Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park.
🤭Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
🤭He who laughs last didn’t get it. Helen Giangregorio
🤭Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but I’m still going to keep looking.
🤭Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.
🤭It’s not important to win, it’s important to make the other guy lose.
🤭There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
🤭Life’s biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don’t want to get out of bed.
🤭The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
🤭My imaginary friend thinks he has problems.
🤭To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
🤭Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.
🤭I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.
🤭He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
🤭You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. Dave Barry
🤭Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing.
🤭I’m sorry that I’m not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
🤭You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.
🤭If you can’t laugh at your own problems, call me and I’ll laugh at them.
🤭I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. He’s dreaming too.
More funny quotes
●Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
●Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck
●Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn’t seen my big screen TV.
●The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run.
●Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.
●Those who snore always fall asleep first.
●Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me?
●The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
●Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
●With great power comes an even greater electricity bill.
●Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake.
●Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
●What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
●Revenge’ sounds so mean, that’s why I prefer to call it ‘Returning the favor.’
●How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
●After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F.
●Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
●I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.
●I love my computer because all my friends live inside it.
●A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.
●Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
●I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
●Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
●Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.
●I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.
●Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Sam Levenson
●Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, I’ll add ‘LOL’ at the end.
●Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
●The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Robert Bloch
●On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.
●My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy.
●If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.
●Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
●Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay, he woke up.
●I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying.
●Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent.
●Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
●It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy.
●You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death.
●Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge.
●You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
●If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Sam Levenson
●Life is always rocky when you’re a gem.
●Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein
●Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment.
●I wasn’t mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I’m mad.. yes, I’m mad!
●Smiles are contagious, be a carrier.
●My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
●Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
●I’ve made it from the bed to the couch. There’s no stopping me now.
●What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Envelope.
●I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry.
●You never run out of things that can go wrong. Edward A. Murphy
●If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
●God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Benjamin Franklin
●What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
●I wish my wallet came with free refills.
●I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
●I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year.
●How do you count cows? With a cowculator.
●An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough.
●My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.
●Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.
●Learn sign language, it’s very handy.
●To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Paul Ehrlich
●First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Steve Martin
●If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research. Wilson Mizner
●If at first, you don’t succeed, so much for skydiving. Henny Youngman
●No matter how bad it gets I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store.
●Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Bill Murray
●A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. – Franklin Jones
●I didn’t give you the finger, you earned it. Bill Murray
●What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
●Why did the school kids eat their homework? Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake.
●What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing.
●Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
●My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Bill Murray
●Can February march? No, but April may.
●Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
●If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Stuart Turner
●Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes.
●Why is England the wettest country? Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.
●What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks.
●My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn’t walk to the donut shop. Bill Murray
●Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin
●Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Robert A. Heinlein
●What is the tallest building in the entire world? The library, because it has so many stories.
●How do trees access the internet? They log in.
●I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright
●Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother. Ken Dodd
●What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
●I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella. Gary Delaney
●The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Jackie Collins
●A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Milton Berle
●Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns
●What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.
●I have Alzheimer’s bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Cindy from Marzahn
●What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? ‘Oh sheet!’
●If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Ann Landers
●If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Flip Wilson
●I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it.
●I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Chris Rock
●Thank God I’m an atheist.
●I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like. Bill Murray
●The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Czech proverb
●Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
●Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
●What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
