When it comes to sex, not everyone is an expert on Kamasutra. But this is no reason to tirelessly repeat the missionary position. Or the andromache position, the Amazon or the spoon position to name only the most famous postures. Yes, knowing the best ways to make love is highly recommended to spice up the intimate life of your couple, whether you are in a woman-man, woman-woman or man-man relationship.

Above all, don’t forget to cultivate desire; moreover, in kama sutra, “kama” means “desire”.

Of course, when it comes to sex, the best positions are the ones that suit you and your partner the best. These are the hugs that give both of you, male or female, the most pleasure and the best orgasms.

A guide to eroticism

The kamasutra comes from the ancient Indian word “kâma” which means desire, pleasure and “sutra” which can designate a guide, an aphorism, a book or a verse. The kamasutra can therefore be translated as “guide of desire”. In the popular imagination, the kamasutra is only a collection of sexual positions, when in reality, it is an educational manual whose goal is to help the couple to have a life to two harmonious. The sexual positions supposed to increase the pleasure tenfold occupy only one chapter of the book. The other parts of the kamasutra address all the questions that a person may have. Romantic relationships, the art of seduction, marriage, fantasies, pregnancy, and even female and male homosexuality are discussed in the kamasutra.

Hindu heritage

The kamasutra is the first book in the history of mankind to talk about the common life of man and woman. The initial work was written around the 5th century by Vatsyayana, an Indian Brahmin philosopher who lived in the holy city of Varanasi. Why would a Brahmin write a book on sexuality, you say? For Hindus, the pursuit of enjoyment is one of the goals of an individual’s existence and the sexual act is as vital as eating or drinking. Later, other collections like the Tao of love, the fragrant garden and the Ananga Ranga came to supplement the writings of Vatsyayana.

A work long hidden from the general public

The kamasutra was originally designed to help Hindu aristocrats and courtesans better advance in their pursuit of pleasure. When he arrived in England in the 19th century, the contents of the book were not yet revealed to the general public. Only the men of the social elite who united in the Victorian Kama Shastra Society had access to these writings. As the content did not really accord with Victorian mores, they had the obligation to keep their reading for private subscription under penalty of prosecution for infringing good morals. It was not until the 1960s that the kamasutra was accessible to the general public.

A link between the physical and the mental

Like any Hindu practice, the sexual positions described in the kamasutra are not only aimed at physical fusion, but also at mental communion between the two partners. The manuscript also stipulates that “during the sexual act, if the thoughts of the two partners are different, it is as if there was the union of two corpses”. Just like yoga, some kamasutra positions require great flexibility, but others, such as the Andromache or the teaspoon are easily performed for people who lack flexibility, who suffer from back problems or even pregnant women.

What is kamasutra?

The Kamasutra is a Sanskrit word (root language in India) which literally means “the aphorisms of desire.” It is an Indian work divided into seven books, but the part concerning the sexual positions is the only one which remains truly famous today. This text therefore does not only deal with sexual positions and the pleasure they provide, but also with seduction, harmony in the couple and many other subjects.

The Kamasutra, a complete … and modern encyclopedia of love!

More surprising: certain resolutely modern themes are discussed. Thus, homosexuality, bisexuality, transidentity and hermaphroditism are evoked under the label of “third nature”. The woman is considered as the equal of the man (even if she must arrive a virgin at marriage) and the Kamasutra explains in particular how to take pleasure … and how to cheat on her husband . Better still: the text gives pride of place to the courtesan, a powerful, rich and cultivated woman whose main role is “to learn love”, to both men and women.

The content of the Kamasutra

Composed of seven chapters, the Kamasutra only addresses sexual positions in the first part of the book, contrary to popular belief. The other six chapters are devoted to marriage, desire, and relationships between men and women. Excitement, size of sex, fantasies, orgasms, pregnancy and romantic relationships … All sexual issues are dealt with, in a free and uninhibited tone. In addition, the Kamasutra explains that men should not be satisfied with the sexual act as such but that they must also master the art of caresses, kisses, small bites and other scratches. In short, the games of Love as a whole.

Are there certain sexual positions that promote pregnancy?

To get pregnant, the first step is to first determine the most fertile days of the female cycle. But certain positions of the kamasutra can also help to conceive a child : these are those where the penetration is deep and where the man is lying on the woman, so that the sperm is close to the cervix. The position of the missionary would be one of the most favorable to pregnancy.

Secrets of Kamasutra: 13 things you don’t know

Today, when you hear Kamasutra, you think of positions and acrobatics. But it is much more! Did you know that in the Indian collection, the size of the sex matters? And that adultery is allowed? We tell you the whole truth about Kamasutra, in 13 points.

1. The Kamasutra is spread over 7 books in 36 chapters and is not just a catalog of erotic positions. He gives advice on the proper functioning of the household. It is a manual of personal life, of couples, of cohabitation and of pleasure.

2. It was written during the second half of III th century BC.

3. Kâma-Sûtra comes from Kâma which means desire, pleasure, and from Sûtra which means treated.

4. Almost nothing is known of its author, Mallanaga Vhatsyâyana, except that he wrote the Kamasutra in a state of chastity and meditation.

5. The book is the book that “we know”: it treats sex, positions, preliminary modes, methods of sex oral sex … The book encourages role play : ” You got me overturned, you ground me; my turn to reverse you, to grind you. “

6. In Kamasutra, size matters! Depending on the size of his sex, a man is called a hare, a bull or a horse. The woman, depending on the size of her vagina, is called a doe, mare or elephant. And the fun will be there or not… depending on their respective size.

7. The book advocates non-innate sexual pleasure: it can be learned. Love is practiced, as the hunter practices hunting … and progresses!

8. In Kamasutra, the woman participates entirely in the sexual life of the couple. She is never a simple subject. The collection celebrates pleasure in both sexes and argues that the pleasure felt comes from a shared pleasure.

9. Kamasutra offers in its latest work an aphrodisiac cocktail to boost man’s virility: garlic root with white pepper and licorice, to drink in milk, with sugar.

10. There is advice on committing adultery in book 5. Yes, the manual allows you to look elsewhere. Why ban it? The Kamasutra rather invites to think about it before starting. He explains to us how to carry out adultery and with whom. Men and women are treated absolutely the same, free to engage in deception.

11. Advice is given to men to choose their courtesan, an autonomous woman, who is not a prostitute even if she receives money. She only gives men her body and not her heart. The relationship is clear (a little more than our sex plans).

12. We don’t sleep the first night! The author of Kamasutra invites men to refrain from sexual pleasures at first in order to gain confidence in women who need gentleness.

13. In book 3, we find tips for men on attracting and keeping a girl. “ On the evening of the tenth day, the man will begin to speak quietly to his young wife, one to one, so as to inspire her confidence. Some authors claim that, in order to gain her entirely, he should not speak to her for three days ; but, observe the disciples of Babhravya, if a man remains silent for three days, it is to be feared that the young woman will be disgusted to see him as inert as a pillar and, disillusioned, will come to despise him like a eunuch. “Where did the 3 day rule come from?

Tips to last longer during sex

You want to last longer during sex? The subject matter experts have a foolproof guide that is supposed to help you increase your stamina. Sexual intercourse (strictly speaking, penetration) typically lasts three to seven minutes, according to a 2005 survey by the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. According to the survey, intercourse lasting one or two minutes is “too short” and those lasting between 10 and 30 minutes are considered “too long”, while sex therapists claim that the most “Desirable” is to last between seven and 13 minutes – the problem is that there are many factors that can interfere with this and cause you to miss the mark (or rather end it prematurely and leave your partner unsatisfied, which is not good for anyone).

To exercise

No, it’s not about going to the gym and doing thousands of reps with your arms, legs, and back. Experts say you should work the muscles of your pelvic floor, doing contraction exercises while maintaining a voltage for about 10 seconds, says Sandra Hilton, doctor of physical therapy entropy. To feel these muscles, says Hilton, try “to stop the flow of urine when you use the bathroom” – these are the same muscles that you need to exercise.

Limit movement

This doesn’t mean that you have to imitate a table, but that you have to perform more controlled and slower movements. This should delay your orgasm and help you last longer.

To change things

“As with exercise, your body can be used to the same movements as usual, so you should try to alternate between different positions to last longer during sex,” Vanessa Marin, registered sex therapist, explains to Bustle. Changing positions allows your body to take a little break, and it helps you last longer. Another recommendation is to try more acrobatic positions because, by focusing on maintaining balance, your brain takes a little longer to experience pleasure and it prevents you from finishing too quickly.


Delaying orgasm is one of the most effective ways to last longer. According to Dr. Walsh, this is one of the most common techniques for preventing premature ejaculation. Basically, you bring yourself to the verge of orgasm before stopping any sexual or masturbating activity until you have your emotions under control, which teaches the brain to have a more controlled response.


Most women need stimulation before traditional sex. Foreplay can help you achieve this without reaching an orgasm on your own, so both will be ready at the same time. This will avoid the problem of ending too early. 

The right diet

Just like alcohol or very heavy foods can keep you from performing the best you can. There are foods that are great allies when it comes to lasting longer. Watermelon, chili, apple, ginger, salmon, banana, and nuts all contain nutrients that improve libido, performance, and even endurance.

A little anesthesia?

You shouldn’t do this before seeing a doctor, but in 2017 a small study found that applying wipes coated with a small amount of benzocaine, a mild anesthetic, may help you last longer during sex. sexual. The problem is, the wipes can have the same effect on your partner, says New York-based urologist Dr. David Samadi.

The best sex positions

Almost every guy and girl in the world loves sex. Hell, if most of us could just skip all work and spend all of our time in bed every day, we would. But with all that need to have sex comes the urge to have a little variety. Fortunately, there are many different setups that you and your partner can try. To make them easier to emulate and to jumpstart your imagination, we’ve also designed illustrations of each position and given you a clear idea of ​​what you can expect from each. Whether you are slow and steady, fast and furious, anal sex positions or great ways to play orally, here you will find something to try out tonight.


Missionary position is the most famous and classic of all sex positions. The eye contact, slight male dominance, and angle of penetration make this a popular spot, and there’s a good chance the first time you had sex was in a missionary position. A very comfortable position that allows for easy pushing, and easy withdrawal if you’re male, there are a lot of benefits and it will work in pretty much any sexual encounter you find yourself in, at any given time.


This position requires a lot of effort on the part of the woman but can be very intense; it can also function as an anal sex position and give it a lot of control in this scenario. It’s pretty self-explanatory; you lie flat on her back, hold her by the hips or buttocks, while she partially lifts using her elbows and legs, arching her back and placing her shoulders and shoulder blades on your chest . Then it lowers up and down, to control how deep you go in and out of it. To keep her from getting tired, help her by supporting her buttocks and putting on some of the weight.


The classic oral position of mutual pleasure, 69-ing is fun for head-to-toe positioning. It also works for any combination of two sexual partners. You lie down either on your side or on top of each other (the woman above), each pleasing the other orally. Intense position, it also tests your concentration and your ability to please your partner while doing the same for you. Work on this one and play around with different setups to be more comfortable. This is how you get oral sex without feeling selfish.


Facesitting can be very hot as it adds an extra element of domination and submission to your oral play. Have your partner lie on their back; she can support her head by using a pillow or leaning her shoulders against the wall. Then push it into his mouth. It’s a good idea to take it easy here as you might make it uncomfortable otherwise. Work with his body language and signals to determine your pace and how deep you can go.

For women over men, this position works even better. While a variety of special sex stools and chairs are made just for this position, in practice you can simply have her straddle your face with her thighs and lower her crotch to your lips, choosing to apply pressure as she does. wish. The heat, pressure, taste and humidity of this position make it a truly immersive oral experience.


Doggy style is one of the favorite sex positions of millions of people for several reasons. It’s the classic female submissive position that really leaves the man in control, and there are more than a few variations on that. In its simplest form, you kneel on the bed, with your girl on all fours. Enter her from behind and hold onto her hips and / or torso. You can decide to go slow or hard. If you want to add roughness, and your girl is in that, this position is solid for pulling hair or spanking as well, to add to the overall submission of the position. If you have your hands free, a clitoral stretch or play with her breasts can add extra stimulation to the position.


Doggystyle is normally done on the knees, but it is not compulsory. An easy transition from normal doggy style, in this version you actually stand up, stand up and bend over her. You’ll get a slightly less intense thrust than regular doggy style, but in return you’ll have a different feel, especially for her, and a pretty decent workout for your hamstrings and ankles. Leaning forward actually allows you to feel a little deeper, and the difficulty quotient will make you feel all the more accomplished to pull it off.


For really intense pushes and sex that involves a lot of power, having your feet planted firmly on the ground is a great way to go. Have your girlfriend lie flat on the table (this also works with any platform around waist-high) and push her butt up to the edge, or even overhanging a little bit . Then enter it and you will see how much power and stability you have while standing.

As for her legs, there are a few options; you can wrap her around you, you can hang them down or against your shoulders, you can even have her lie on her side for a different angle of penetration.


Unlike 69-ing or facesitting, this doggy style oral sex position is (crazy sideways bending ability) just for playing on women. Ask him to get onto all fours, either straightening up on his knees and hands, or on his knees and elbows. You can then either get on all fours and orally please her from behind, or put her on all fours next to the edge of the bed so that you can stand up or kneel on the floor to make it easier on your back. This position is also ideal for analgesia, if desired.


Probably the second position you will have learned after the “ missionary ”, there are more than a few reasons why the girl at the top is arguably the favorite sex position in the world. You can lie back and have a simply stunning view of your daughter moving up and down; she gets excellent clitoral stimulation and a lot of depth and penetration control. This is arguably the fastest way for a girl to orgasm, although a little harder for you in this position. Use your hands free to massage her breasts, and if you want to add an element of dominance despite your low position, you can place your fingers gently around her neck.

We hate to mention it too, but you also have to keep in mind that if you bounce her too vigorously, there’s a chance you’ll slip away and she’ll bounce off your manhood, and you’ll face something. called a “penile fracture”. So keep that in mind.


Reverse cowgirl is usually done in an upright T-position, with the man lying flat on her back and the woman bouncing up and down mostly standing. You can add a variation to this by tilting her forward so her head is almost above your feet. By planting her arms on the floor / bed or even grabbing your shins, she can really put on a lot of weight to move back and forth. This one really leaves him in control and lets you sit back and relax, which is all things considered.


A classic, the reverse cowgirl puts the man down and the woman rides him face to face. She can control the angle of penetration here, and the man has a great view from behind. If you want to turn things around, arch your knees to give her something to push on easily. If you want to make eye contact and have a front view, a mirror could also be your friend here, although the lack of eye contact is also one of the perks of this.


A classic version of the missionary, this one can be done either with you lying on top of her, or with her positioned on the edge of the bed and with you standing (or more precisely bent over) with her legs on your shoulders. you enter it. This position gives the man all the control of penetration, but it will also allow you to penetrate deeper, so it’s a win-win. You may need to grab his legs and pull gently to keep your pushing away from you.


Brother, do you even lift (your girlfriend to have sex with her?) Grab her thighs then have her wrap her legs around you while hanging you off your shoulders with her arms. Make sure you’re strong enough to pull this one out, then push it in. You will probably have to live it higher and then slow it down very slowly on your penis.

We would add a pretty big caveat here: make sure you have a very firm grip and take it slowly and safely, as there is a risk of injury here if you drop your girlfriend – for both of you.


Another spin on the missionary, the frog seeks to sacrifice elevation and power for proper positioning. Start off as a regular missionary, then flatten your torso as much as possible, while your daughter should arch her legs and put her legs on your butt. What you’re doing here is targeting the clitoris for more direct rubbing and friction. The pressure you put on her clit could help her orgasm faster. You should also stay nice and deep into her in this position so that your shaft is rubbing against her clit, not the tip. In other words, this position is more for her enjoyment than yours.


Those yoga classes she took? These might come in handy now, although this one isn’t a man’s walk in the park either. It is a position that is intense by any stretch of the imagination, and one that you probably cannot maintain for long.

To get into it, lay her on her back, then slowly lift her legs off her thighs until her torso comes off the floor. Slowly lift her buttocks until they’re almost above her head, then straddle her, using up and down motions to enter her. you’re going to have to lean forward a bit to position your c * ck at the right angle, which will take a bit of flexing anyway.


Is there a specific sex position for the spa? Probably not, but it’s a natural place for sex; you are already in close contact with people who wear very little other clothing anyway. In addition to the jets from a hot tub being a wonderful masturbating aid for women to get her started (you can also stroke her nipples and give her a hand), there are benches all around for the man to use. sit. Remember, finish quickly: you don’t want to be there for more than 20 minutes.


Lean to the side and ask your partner to position themselves so that their head is in line with your crotch. She should also be on her side, using and can wrap her arm around your legs for balance and leverage. From there, it’s up to you; you can totally sit back and let her do all the work, or provide the pushing motion yourself. It’s an incredibly comfortable and relaxed position for both of you. Your partner may need to bend their legs to keep their legs from overhanging the bed (if that’s where you are) or even place a chair next to the bed if you’re a taller couple so their legs don’t not exceed into nothingness.


Spooning is one of the most cuddly sex positions out there, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make it intense. You lie on your side, with your daughter in front of you, facing you. Enter it from behind, then both of you can control the pace and depth of the push. The position is comfortable, for longer sexual sessions with lots of sensual caresses and neck kisses. You can also get pretty maneuverable and reach around play with her nipples or even reach out and add extra stimulation to her clit from the front. You can also make it anal.


Lots of sex positions have the woman on a raised platform with the man on the ground – this one flips the script. Go to the edge of the bed and kneel down. Have him stand up straight and slowly come back towards you, then lean 90 degrees. You then enter it from behind and walk away. This one has a little less of the practical potential of traditional doggy style, but it’s an interest in the position that is arguably even more masculine. If you want to make things easier on his back, you can place a chair or desk on which to place his arms to support him.


We will be honest; Aside from the awesomeness of the name and the novelty of mimicking the setup of those things you used to cut through the bristol board as a kid, you might find this one a bit difficult. Scissors involve tying your legs together and standing at something approaching a 90-degree angle to each other. Slip into your girlfriend, then move your hips to get in and out. You will need to do this slowly and carefully, as it is quite easy to slip into this position.

This position is quite unique as it involves very little eye contact and places your heads quite far apart from each other, and the position of your body is such that you can’t really use your hands to stroke it in any way whether it be. Little eye contact, lots of distance, and a hard push make this one a tough game, but sexually experienced couples should try it just for the novelty.


While scissors are also a real thing, this position requires a bit of twisting to get there and some knee endurance. Perfect for the woman to be fully at ease and let go, this puts the man in full control of the speed and depth he wants to penetrate. As with all of those kneeling positions, this one will seriously test your leg muscles and cramp resistance, but the effort is always worth it.


A more extreme ‘legs over shoulders’ variant, this one really put the man in the driver’s seat. Start with your torso more or less vertical and its legs on your shoulders. Slowly go down until you fold it in half. For more effect, you can reach her back with your arms and pull her firmly against you. This gives it very little leverage or control, so you are basically 100% responsible for the push; it’s a more anatomical way of attaching it. The pressure you put on his muscles can also create tension in his pelvis, leading to a feeling of increased tightness for you. You must make sure that it is flexible enough to succeed in this one and keep in.


A table, a windowsill, a counter, whatever the case, having your girl on top means you can go down on her & hellip; without going down too much. Have her bring her legs to the edge of the platform she’s on, then kneel or stand (depending on her and your height) and please her with your tongue. This is another one which is great for doing it in public, as you don’t need a nice cushy surface to lie down on.


Most sex positions have your bodies more or less aligned; here, it consists in putting the d * ck in perpend * ck-ular. Have her start by lying on her back, lying on her side, and entering her from the side. This sort of thing works best on a nice, comfortable floor or a queen or king-size bed, but you’ll need a bit of real estate to achieve it. Once you’re in it, you control the pace and depth of the push. This position is a little less popular because it is less obvious and does not provide an experience as intense or intimate as some of the others, but it allows you to shake things up. Additionally, since men’s penises are often wider than they are tall, it means that by effectively turning your penis sideways.


This requires a lot of privacy and patience; you won’t get a lot of intensity or a deep push. To get into this, you sit down facing your girlfriend and wrap your legs around her. She does the same, keeping her legs in yours. She should slide her butt a little forward until you can slide inside her.

This is a low intensity position that creates a lot of close contact and intimacy, and a slow build to orgasm if you do it right. Probably not the one to try on a first date, but it can still be rewarding.


The backseat is a favorite place for sex because it is the most convenient place to have sex when you are usually surrounded by inconvenient places to have sex. So if you are driving on the freeway next to your daughter and are bored like a sin, and get understandably excited, you can’t get off on the freeway well. The backseat is a cramped semi-public place for sex, which can add to the thrill of it. For that, you’re probably better off sticking with the standard girl at the top or missionary positions.


There is a joke here about hoods and hoods. You see, the hood is part of the female anatomy and the hood is also part of your car. And yes, your car’s hood is a great place to prop up your girlfriend and use your tongue to explore under her hood (where you’ll find her clit.) Foreplay on top of a car? This one probably only works in a secluded location, but there’s a reason God made a camping vacation, and it sure isn’t wet sleeping bags or gritty coffee.


Is there anything more than getting sucked while sitting? Don’t answer that; it’s a rhetorical question, and besides, the answer is no. It’s the one that could literally put you in the driver’s seat, as it’s a classic car favorite. It’s a side angle, but of course you can still do it from the front, with you sitting in a chair of your choice and your knee in front. If you’re really, really sexually adventurous, there’s a variation called the blumpkin … but you’ll have to google it.


Another position that is all about intimacy, kneeling sex can be rewarding if done right. We suggest that you find a cushion, pillow or yoga mat to relieve your knees. This position also works best if the man is not too tall than the woman; if you are 6’3 and your girlfriend is 5’5 this may not work. As you kneel, place your left knee straight out to the left of the woman and your right leg behind you. The woman does the same. To achieve penetration, you should try to lower your pelvis below your partner’s (hence the difficulty for taller people) and slide your penis into her vagina. Once you are inside her, this position becomes easier, as she swings her pelvis back and forth until the both of you descend. If your balance is good enough, there is also a risk of anal or nipple play with your hands.


If the backseat is a bit too cramped, the passenger seat is a great place to mount it … if you don’t mind how public it could be (remember, your windshield is not tinted). !), You might even get a thrill from it.


This position is a great variation of the regular doggy style. In this edit, you grab her from behind like you normally would doggy style, only then do you both straighten your straight torso. This position means her hands are freer of load than they would normally be doggy style, meaning she can more easily play with her clit or even reach out and grab your balls.


Another public sex favorite that can work for anal, this position is relatively straightforward; you are both standing and you enter her from behind. It can be completely upright, in which case you’ll want either a wall, or a tree, or similar vertical object to lean on. Another way to do this is to lean it against a desk or table.


Another kneeling sex position, this one also doesn’t require a bed or even a nice surface to do your job. You kneel down, resting your ass on your hamstrings. Have her sit up slowly until you penetrate her, with her arms around you for more balance. While this one looks uncomfortable, the angle and stability actually mean this one can be reasonably intense, while still providing eye contact and convenience to do anywhere.


A kneeling position for the man, the deck gives you a wonderful view of her breasts and torso while demanding a lot of her physically. As she creates an arch with her arms and legs, you kneel in front of her and step into her. She won’t be able to do too many movements other than standing, so your job is to grab her ass and start pulling her hips back and forth to get the movement needed to get everything to work. Supporting her ass a bit with your hands will also take the strain off her arms.


Another setup that works for anal or vaginal sex, doggy style sex on the stairs takes advantage of the natural tilt and steps to create new angles and supports for a classic position. Again, carpeted steps or a towel to protect her knees is a good idea. Depending on your height, you may be standing or kneeling for this one. The stairs allow her to stand more upright and the fact that you are on a lower step means that you have a more natural right angle to enter her vagina than traditional doggy style on a flat surface. Just make sure you don’t fall!


This one’s all about your upper body strength and your back and leg strength. Other than some sort of Olympian training that you each have, this is probably a transitional position rather than anything that is going to lead to sex or a long lasting orgasm. Start her on all fours, then lift her pelvis until her vagina is in line with your penis. Grab her firmly around her hips and push her into her. Rather than having her try doing vertical push-ups, or pulling her back and forth, both of which are likely to tire you, do the work with your hips. The position can actually be quite interesting for her clitoris.


Perhaps the ultimate sex position for the strength test, the ‘Superman’ sees you bending her over a desk or table, with her using it as a stand. Then, once you’re inside of her, slowly lift her pelvis until her feet are actually off the ground, and you hold onto her as you walk in and out. The sheer physical intensity of this one means it’s not for the faint hearted, but can deliver an adrenaline rush as you get closer and closer to your breaking point. Keep safety in mind and drop it gently as soon as your strength starts to decrease, and make sure you don’t pull back too much.

Why sex is important?

Everything in our society seems to indicate that sex is at the top of the pyramid of our concerns. Truly ? The confrontation with reality holds some surprises.

From the press, which relentlessly provides recipes to boost its desire and intensify its pleasure, to fashion, which continues to place “desirability” at the top of its values, without forgetting the erotic novels for the general public, with uninterrupted success, nor online pornography and countless dating sites all seem to indicate an insatiable collective appetite.

A positive effect on the brain

Researchers at Coventry University (UK) took a floor of 6,800 participants, men and women aged 50 to 89, to understand whether sexual activity after age 50 had a positive effect on cognitive abilities. Men who had regular sexual activity had a 23% higher success rate (14% for women) on memory tests and 3% (2% for women) higher on number strings. In question? Dopamine and oxytocin, which would solicit the area linked to the reward system of our brain, linked to our memory.

Ah! Dear hormones … The precious oxytocin, generated by stimulation of the nipples and orgasm in particular, would also have a protective effect against breast cancer, when endorphins produced by sexual activity, with their hypnotic side, soothe back pain and migraines. The secretion of adrenaline acts on the cardiovascular system by increasing the level of glucose in the blood, blood pressure and heart rate. Finally, should we recall the analgesic effect of love? Neuroscientists have shown that it acts like a drug, on the same areas of the brain as cocaine (read our article: “The chemistry of love”).

Tips to improve sexual compatibility

Many women mistakenly believe that male libido comes only from the physical attraction that a man may feel for them. And yet, there is another determining factor of a good sexual understanding, it is the daily climate which reigns in your couple. The more you are able to make the man feel confident and let go, the more you will be able to make him want to have frequent sex.

If on the contrary you are in perpetual conflicts then you will inevitably have a physical attraction which will decrease, and it is necessary to be aware that a negative morale means little sexual relations on a daily basis. In the same vein, there are multiple factors to take into consideration and which can create a blockage in your darling such as stress, depression or worries for example.

A happy couple is a maintained libido!

The first piece of advice I give to the women I support and who want to improve their married life is always to take care of the “heart” of their relationship. If you want your man to have a little more libido, then your daily life must be fulfilling and above all that you find a way to share quality moments for two. In short, I am counting on you to fuel the “bond” which remains the engine of your couple.

If you manage to reduce all the negative, namely: daily crises, conflicts, reproaches, personal attacks and routine then you can quickly promote your man’s libido but above all focus on the positive, namely knowing how to innovate to respond to new cravings (from you or hers), especially if you’ve been together for a while and the monotony under the duvet has taken over.

If there is sexual weariness or a sexual routine , then this aspect will inevitably impact his desires for sex and he will be distant when you want him, quite simply because he will already know “the film of the course of the act. “. So a piece of advice to maintain your libido: innovate!

Why does a man no longer want to have sex?

When a man points himself and shows sexual detachment, you must first be alert because it is a negative situation for your relationship. There is no point in continuing to make the worst mistake of asking him dozens of questions that will suffocate him and make him withdraw even further.

You have to consider that when a man no longer wishes to have sex, it is because he is no longer attracted and / or aroused. I recommend that you take a slight distance to focus exclusively on yourself: do you have weight to lose or gain back? Do you have a wardrobe sorting to do? Do you need to stop trying to approach so that he comes to you in order to conquer you? There are multiple questions likely to be asked because there are dozens and dozens of issues but it is up to you to find THE question that will allow you to see more clearly. This is the reason why it is necessary to analyze things and the context in depth.

How to drive a man crazy with sex?

To go even further, I will really invite you to let go. I meet many women in coaching who seek perfection above all and cannot be natural when it comes to having intimate relationships with a man.. This phenomenon is closely linked to the formatting that we see in erotic films. I notice almost daily a huge difference between women of different age groups. Women over 45 are rather restrained and tell each other that sex is up to me and my man because it is taboo, those between 35 and 45 years old are in the sharing everyone must take pleasure and if one takes more than the other, it’s not dramatic, while the younger ones are more in search of performance: he must get off and make me scream with pleasure.

8 things that prove that sex is the glue of a couple

Today we are tackling this burning question: Why is sex so important in a relationship? Here are 8 unstoppable reasons that show the importance of hugs in a romantic duo.

For privacy

Obviously, making love is much more intimate than doing the dishes, as you can imagine. Being naked with her man creates a relationship of trust, so imagine his hugs and kisses on your body. The more we cuddle with a person, the more we know their fears, their weaknesses but also and above all, their tastes. Making love is the prettiest way to show someone you love them. Desire is a barometer of your relationship. The more comfortable you are horizontally – or vertically, it’s up to you – the stronger your couple will be.

For complicity

Having a lot of humor is not enough for a relationship to be truly complicit. A fulfilling sexuality, on the other hand, helps to consolidate the couple. Taking the time to laugh is extremely important, especially when giving a hug. To relieve the pressure, to please yourself and to please the other, you have to let go.

For the pleasure… To reconcile horizontally

It is well known, after an argument, the tastiest is to get back on the pillow. The stronger the argument, the better the orgasm? Here is a proverb which does not displease us. The next time Jules annoys you, let the anger build up, blow it up, and let him be forgiven as he should. And vice versa.

Because it’s good for your health

And this is not a pure invention on our part. Remember, we told you about the health benefits of legs in the air. Not only does this prevent stress, but it calms migraines and stabilizes blood pressure. An entire program !

Not to look elsewhere

To go to bed is to cheat, do we agree? If some couples are more liberated and don’t mind sharing their other half, this is not the case for you. To prevent your lover from packing up with the first pair of breasts / buttocks, you will have to show him / her that only you can make him / her climb the curtains. Sex brings closer, sex strengthens the bonds.

Because it makes you smarter

This is not the case with the turnip that you are watching on television tonight. Instead, turn off this ugly little troubadour box and go join your other half under the duvet. Regular sexual activity would help brain growth and increase neural connections. It is the very serious researchers at Princeton University who say so. And we believe them without difficulty.

Because it avoids ending up like two old friends

A man with whom we live, but with whom we do not mess, it is neither more nor less than a friend. And frankly, friends, we have a dime. Sex, that little spark that makes us happy and in love, is the key to transforming a common relationship into an extraordinary love story, which spans the ages. And that’s reassuring.

Because it feels good

We’re not going to hide it, sex is good. Especially when you’re doing it with someone you genuinely love. It’s a little chemical it’s true, all these little hormones that the body releases during cuddling and it helps us to have a mind and a physical body of steel. So if Jules (or Juliette) is a player, don’t complain about his sexual appetite, rejoice!

Why we should have sex every day

Thousands of monthly searches and more than 246 million results (we cannot guarantee the quality of these, editor’s note): making love every day is a passionate subject. Even science has decided to take hold of the frequency of sexual intercourse, in order to determine whether it has an impact on mental and psychological health.

One orgasm a day to boost your immune system

A 2004 American study would have established a causal link between the frequency of sexual intercourse and the immune system. According to the results of this study, people who have sex at least twice a week have more defenses against germs and viruses. We add that, still according to the study, the more the bestial sex is the more effective.

Other studies show that sex not only helps resist colds, but it decreases the risk of prostate cancer in men and improves joint function. During frolic and orgasm, a lubricating hormone is released, which helps the joints to remain flexible and healthy.

Lose calories while having fun

You know, exercising is good for your health, mentally and physically, but did you know that you can burn up to 5 calories per minute while having sex?

Start slowly, allow the temperature to rise, until you can no longer hold it. Sex isn’t just about the arrival, but how you choose to achieve it. Take the slow, winding road – your health and that of your partner will thank you.

Sex increases your heart rate and actually counts as sports, especially if you add a few yoga poses to it. We don’t draw you pictures, do we? 

Improve your sleep through sex

O Sweet Night, O beautiful night … After an orgasm, the sleep hormone, prolactin, is released, which allows you to find a deep and perfectly restorative sleep. So put this herbal tea back!

Sex is also an important part of relationships. Studies have shown that the more active couples are in bed, the happier and more fulfilled they feel in their relationships and in all areas of their lives. Come on, instead of philosophizing about sex, why not put it all into practice as soon as you get stuck in bed tonight? Your body, your mind – and your partner, will say thank you!

As you get older, here’s why having an active sex life is important

Many older people continue to have sex. The good news is that keeping an active sex life as you get older could help improve mental and physical health. Sex is a structuring element of intimate relationships. This is true even as we get older: sex remains important for older people, even if sexual activity tends to decrease as we get older.

Well-being and cognitive performance

Our work has led us to take an interest in the sex lives of 2,577 men and 3,195 women aged 50 and over. In particular, we asked them if they had seen a decline, over the past year, in their desire for sex, the frequency of their activity, or their ability to have an erection (for men) or to feel sexually. excited (women).

We found that men who reported experiencing a decline in their sexual desire were more likely to develop cancer or other chronic conditions that limited their daily activities.

Men and women who reported a decrease in the frequency of their sexual intercourse were also more likely to rate their health as less satisfactory. And men with erectile dysfunction have also been found to be more affected by cancer and coronary heart disease.

Avoid taboos

It’s no secret that sex can be a source of well-being. This is because, during sex, the body produces endorphins, which generate a feeling of joy or elation.

The consequences go beyond improving mood, as high levels of endorphin are known to be associated with greater activation of the immune system, which may result in a reduced risk of cancer and heart disease.

Research also suggests that people who have sex with their partner are more likely to share a stronger relationship. However, feeling closer to your partner has been associated with better mental health.

It’s also important to remember that having sex is exercising – often of moderate intensity. It is possible to burn up to four calories per minute this way. But with all physical activity there are health benefits – and sex is no exception. Regular sexual activity can therefore translate into physical and mental health benefits.

Gender is of course not the only factor in improving health and well-being in old age. But our work shows that seniors are not exempt from sexual desire, and that it could be interesting to highlight the interest of keeping an active sex life as we get older. This could help improve mental (and possibly physical) health.

Unfortunately, the incentives to explore new sexual activities or to experiment with new positions or practices are seldom directed at older people … Moreover, quite often when it comes to addressing these issues, physicians often prefer the policy of ostrich, avoid broaching the subject.

Perhaps such discussions could help challenge norms and expectations for sexual activity. Which, our research shows, could help people lead more fulfilling, healthier lives – and live longer.

The long history of sex

Passed through the sieve of the question of gender and relations between men and women, this history of sexual injunctions and norms, from Antiquity to the dawn of the 21st century, demonstrates to what extent the intimate is sensitive “to economic and political developments. or religious. Thus, in Antiquity, the question of gender is irrelevant and “the force of eros” prevails. The poems of Sappho in particular, in 600 before our era, praise this “transgender” impulse.

Married before their first period

But sexuality is already on the side of power, as evidenced by the bisexual and compulsive abductions of Zeus in mythology. In the city, the citizen designates to the community the adolescent whom he will abduct, “for a period fixed by law”, in order to offer him a higher status. To escape this tradition for a well-born young boy is dishonorable.

Also, the practices are under control since to like “to be penetrated sexually by another citizen is the mark of a civic weakness”. Citizens can be married before their first period. And if they are violated, “what is taken into consideration is the attack on the husband”. As for slaves, they are only “goods”.

Doctors in tune with Christian morality

In Rome, new injunctions are being invented: “Oral sex and cunnilingus are presented as the most degrading acts which defile the political organ that is the mouth, and therefore the voice of a citizen.” Having a too large penis also “makes a man ugly”, while loving his wife too much “is an admission of physical and mental weakness”. But it is the medieval period, ten centuries long, which overflows with imagination to subdue the impulses, with the establishment of marriage as a sacrament.

The spouses now have a “marital debt” towards each other, which links coitus and procreation, embellished with a cohort of interdicts, including the “pleasure of copulation”, qualified as adultery, because the husband would treat then his wife “like a prostitute”. The man must also place himself on it, the only position “in conformity with the hierarchical relationship between the sexes”. For a long time, doctors were in tune with Christian morality, asserting, for example, that moving away from the missionary position exposed the risk of having “counterfeit, leper, infirm or monstrous children”.

Brothels to “wait” before marriage

Despite these injunctions to procreation, attempts at contraception nevertheless exist, of relative effectiveness: the man “coats his penis with cedar oil, balsam or white lead”, the woman “jumps in the air. after coitus ”. Theologians denounce these “sterility poisons” which cause “the shrinking of the world”. Just as they accuse the “sodomites” of bringing wars, deaths, plagues. Sodomy also becomes “a frequent accusation applied to the enemy, the foreigner, the other”, giving rise to a witch hunt in the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries, with abuse inflicted on the genitals of those denounced.

We also drown those who favor female pleasures, which Etienne de Fougères despises in his writings of 1175, because they “do not care about pestle in their mortar”. Little by little, the boys are allowed to go to brothels, to “be patient” before the wedding. These are populated by girls who have been raped, because, as Thomas Aquinas writes: “The victim of rape, if she is not married by the seducer, will find it more difficult to marry. She could be led to indulge in debauchery from which until then an intact modesty had kept her. “

The woman, suspected of being naturally lewd, does not have the legal capacity to lodge a complaint either; “Witnesses must come and attest that she is of good reputation and that they have heard her cry.” The 12th century philosopher Guillaume de Conches affirms for his part: “Although in rape the act displeases at its beginning, at the end, the weakness of the flesh helping, it is not without pleasure.”

Sex, a loathsome act

With the Renaissance emerges a concern to limit births, and a medical curiosity for enjoyment. “If women feel pleasure, it is because God wanted them to forget the fear of dying in childbirth. If men have it, it is because they have to overcome the disgust of engaging in an act all the more repulsive as the woman’s “vase” is located near the mouth of the excrement “, explain the anatomists, who call the ovaries “female testes”.

It was long thought that semen caused female pleasure, some are finally interested in the clitoris, but the majority of male scientists laugh at this finding. The medical literature maintains the objective of “teaching couples to have beautiful children”, and it is always hammered out that the man ridden by his wife exposes their unborn heirs “dwarf, lame, hunchbacked, shady, reckless and stupid ”. But the divorce is granted in the event of male impotence, which must be proved during “the congress: a sexual relation duly noted by the medical experts and the ecclesiastical judge”.

The obsession with masturbation

In the 18th century a wind of libertinism blows, with a major drop in fertility thanks to the arrival of “England frock coats”, condoms made from lamb’s intestines. The tradition of the troussage of servants is denounced by some thinkers, while the doctors biologize always more interdicts. In the 19th century, L’onanisme , a bestseller written in 1760 by the Swiss doctor Samuel Auguste Tissot, which describes the “pathologies of this solitary perversion”, becomes a bedside book, and “the obsession with masturbation” allows a vast commercialization of corsets and remedies to curb these “impure desires” exposing boys to “softness”, “effeminacy”, and girls to “enlargement of the clitoris which allows the woman to inhabit another”.

The dawn of the twentieth century saw the dawn of psychoanalysis, which no longer condemns homosexuality but “pathologizes” it, as well as “female frigidity” and other “perversions”. Everything is accelerating with feminism or the arrival of “orgasmologists”, such Shere Hite, who “relativizes the interest of vaginal penetration in female pleasure”, at the cost of violent attacks. But the wish to leave the injunctions at the door of his room is there. Everything is finally called into question. As in this hard-hitting essay.

Sex, how it has changed in the last 50 years

Dan Savage, author of the worldwide successful sex advice column Savage Love , likes to describe the change in his work as follows: In the past, in the pre-Internet era, so to speak, it was more lexical in nature. He found himself answering typical reader questions, such as “Dan, what’s a butt plug ?” In the current “enlightened” era of Google, where you can order these “anal expanders” like any other possible sex toy with one-day delivery from Amazon, it is mainly concerned with situational ethics: “I want to try X, my partner doesn’t he wants it – who has to give up? ».

Sex today is a matter of negotiation

What Savage describes nicely sums up the big turning point in our way of thinking about sexuality: on the one hand, we are more open minded than ever, yet sex has become more complicated. When and how to get to the point, today it is negotiation territory. Or, as sex researcher Gunter Schmidt puts it: a rigid sexual morality, which expressed a judgment about a specific sexual behavior, has been replaced by a negotiating morality.

Fortunately, the early 1960s are over

Complexity doesn’t have to be a bad thing: no one, except perhaps members of the clergy, really wants to go back to the dull and narrow world where the sexual act was a human right and was to be practiced exclusively in the marriage bed. 

Fortunately, the early 1960s, when the highest German civil court actually wrote sentences like the ones that follow in a divorce decree, are over: “A woman fails to fulfill her marital duties simply by letting go of the apartment with indifference. . If, due to her stubborn nature … Spoiler alert: the issue went to the disadvantage of the alleged “stubborn woman”.’

Nobody wants the tireless stallions of ’68 back

The contraceptive pill, which hit the market (in Germany in 1961), Oswalt Kolle’s educational films, and the laid-back lifestyle of the 1968 generation sparked the sexual revolution and broke the stale narrowness of the German (and non-German) marriage bed. ). One aspect that is always overlooked, however, are the stereotypes of the man seen as an always-ready stud and the willing woman who’s just waiting for a male to sleep with her.

Do young people have too little sex today?

Unsurprisingly, people who grew up in the shadow of their late sixties are almost worried if the younger generations are having too little sex. Despite Tinder & Co., according to a US survey, 23% of young people between the ages of 19 and 29 have had no sexual intercourse in the past twelve months. According to the study, 28% of men. Do you have to worry about this now? Not even. 

Selfsex: Sex has become more self-centered

The coital truce of boys could be due to the fact that women are more self-confident about their sexuality and do not feel compelled to have sex to please and caress the male ego. Masturbation, sexting and cyber-sex are also playing an increasingly important role. Sexuality has partly moved into virtual space and this has made it more lonely and self-centered than before. Sex researcher Volkmar Sigusch talks about “self-sex” – a development that likely escalated further during the pandemic. 

Masturbation is a normal part of sex life, even within relationships

The fact that masturbation has become a completely normal part of sexual life, which exists alongside couple sex in relationships and is also accepted in younger couples, is evident from the “Love Life” pilot study of the University Hospital of Hamburg. -Eppendorf and the Federal Center for Health Information. The survey also revealed that most sex still occurs in stable relationships and its frequency does not depend on age but on the freshness of the relationship.

Couples have become more willing to experiment

Also according to the aforementioned study, couples have become more willing to experiment and are also increasingly interested in things like anal sex, BDSM games or sex toys. Exactly what you want to participate in, well, is a matter of negotiation.

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