Is your sex life slowing or plummeting? After many years of living together, do you look more like two roommates than two lovers? To rekindle the flame and rediscover your torrid antics of yesteryear, read the advice of our experts and restart your sex life in less than 24 hours!
Being happy as a couple includes sexuality, which is very important for a simple reason: sexuality makes the couple. You can share hobbies, vacations, accommodation, thoughts, giggles. If you have no sexuality, it will be said that you live as a brother and sister. You are not a couple. So, making your sexuality live and flourish is almost a duty if you want your relationship to last for pleasure, not just for decision.
Everything you want to know about sex: from reasons why wearing socks is sexier than lingerie, to how to sleep with your better half, and more.
50 interesting facts about sex you probably didn’t know
Even if you consider yourself a sexpert on the subject, there is always something new to learn about sex. From how it can improve your health to the very strange things that can happen during the act, to some curiosities of a ‘social’ nature. Here’s a list, inspired, of 50 things you might not know about sex – it’s long, but read it all the way through, you won’t be disappointed. Indeed, it will be much more fun than sex itself, or at least, the next sex session will surely be, after studying the subject a bit.
Almost 10% of dreams are sexual
Sexual dreams aren’t just for young adolescents. In fact, nearly one in ten dreams are dared for both men and women, according to a study published by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. However, women were more likely to have sexual dreams about politicians, celebrities or even their exes, while men were more likely to dream of having sex with more than one partner at the same time.
Women have erections
Women also have erections. And while they’re smaller than their male counterparts, they’re just as important, says sex therapist Sadie Allison. “The clitoris is made up of the same spongy erectile tissue as the penis, which expands and is filled with blood when aroused,” she explains. “You can easily observe it – just look at your clitoris or touch it when you’re aroused. You will feel that it is bigger.”
3% of people have no sexual fantasies
Justin Lehmiller, a researcher on sexual fantasies at the Kinsey Institute in the United States, reports that 97% of people have sexual fantasies, although most do not speak openly about them. The vast majority of people confide in fantasizing about something several times a week, or even daily. Very few people say they have no sexual fantasies.
The headache makes you want
Contrary to the popular cliché, “Not tonight, my headache,” one study found that not all people with headaches avoid sexual activity. On the contrary, people with migraine have reported higher levels of sexual desire according to research done by the Wake Forest University School of Medicine in the United States.
The clitoris is much bigger than you might think
The clitoris is much larger than its visible part. The “vaginal urethral clitoral complex” under the skin is also responsible for much of the arousal. When a woman is aroused, the vaginal canal lengthens. “Not only is it fascinating, but it’s also one of the reasons why waiting until you are fully aroused before having sex makes a relationship so much more enjoyable. It’s always better when your body is ready.
Fancy an orgasm? Keep your socks on!
Forget about fine lingerie! If you want to increase your chances of having an orgasm in bed, keep your socks on during sex! At least that’s what research carried out by the University of Groningen asserts. Without knowing the exact reason, one theory is that cold feet can interfere with the ability to let go during sex, especially in women, says psychotherapist Fran Walfish. Indeed, to have an orgasm, you must be totally relaxed and free from anxiety.
A big penis does not stretch the vaginas
There is a strange myth that having too much sex, having sex with a well-hung partner, or even a sex toy with special dimensions can stretch the vagina. Ridiculous!, according to Stella Harris. “The vaginal canal is a muscle and doesn’t stretch permanently,” she explains. “The vagina is incredibly strong and bounces quickly.” In addition, the shape and size of the lips are unique to each woman and are not indicative of her sexual history.
Point G exists. Except no
“The G-spot is a misnomer, because what we think of as the ‘point’ is not a separate anatomical entity,” says Harris. “This is an area of the urethral sponge that is very sensitive for many people. But bodies and arousal are complex, and there is no one foolproof technique, or even an erogenous zone, that works for all women ”. So you might have a “spot” that you identify as your G-spot, but essentially it won’t be the same for your best friend.
Talk more to do less
Sex is more prevalent in movies, media, music than ever before, but that doesn’t necessarily translate into more naughty moments. American households reported having 16 times less sex per year between 2010 and 2014 compared to 2000 and 2004, according to a 2017 study. Similarly, people in the group followed from 2000 to 2004 also had about nine times less sex compared to the group from 1995 to 1999. Another study carried out previously, had shown that the happiness of adults over 30 had decreased between 2000 and 2014. Strange coincidence?
A person’s sexual peak is at 25
It’s around the age of 25 that an American will normally have the most sex in their life, according to one study. The latter notes that people in their twenties have sex more than 80 times a year, which decreases to 60 times in the 45-year-olds, then 20 times in the 65-year-old. Sexual frequency would actually decrease by 3.2% per year.
Circumference matters, not length
“The vagina is mostly covered with stretch mechanoreceptors, which means girth (or width) is a more important aspect of the penis for women,” says Nicole Prause, psychologist and researcher in sexual physiology at the University of California.
Fancy condoms mostly light up your wallet
Do you know those banana-flavored condoms or the ribbed ones? Common marketing gimmicks, according to Prause. “The vagina is relatively unresponsive to pain and stimulation. We perform, for example, surgeries without anesthesia on the vaginal walls, ”she says. “So the condoms with all the little bumps, little hairs, and little peaks?” No need!” If you want to use another method of birth control, here’s what you need to know about the birth control pill.
More pushes don’t equal more pleasure
Forget what you see in porn! Speed doesn’t turn most women on and can even cause pain and injury, Prause says. “The common place where women experience pain during intercourse is the vulvar vestibule, just below the opening of the vagina, where a thin skin extends under the opening which is very vulnerable to abrasion and damage. rips, ”she said.
“This is why, in general, women don’t appreciate series of punches that simply drag the penis repeatedly in that area, creating painful friction quite quickly. As a sex therapist, I often suggest that you don’t make sex the focal point of your sexuality, ”Prause concludes.
Men can have an orgasm without ejaculating
Orgasm and ejaculation are two distinct physiological responses in men and they also can learn how to last longer in bed. “While ejaculation usually coincides with orgasm, both occur succinctly, with orgasm coming slightly before ejaculation and decreasing during ejaculation,” says Xanet Pailet, sex educator. “Men can learn to tell the difference between the two and to have orgasms without ejaculating.”
Do you want to be more efficient at work?
Having sex could finally get you the promotion you’ve been waiting for! – and no, we’re not talking about sleeping with your boss… It turns out that having a great sex life is linked to better job satisfaction and greater commitment at work, both of which can help you do advance your career, according to a study by Oregon State University.
Men suffer as much as women from low libido
“The number of couples complaining of low sexual desire in the male partner is roughly equal to those complaining of low sexual desire in the woman,” explains Stephanie Buehler, psychologist and sex therapist. “Couples need to accept that it’s perfectly normal to have conflicting desires and to determine both sexual frequency and the means of initiating sex that work for them,” she adds.
“There is a medical condition known as clitoral atrophy, which occurs when the clitoris does not receive enough blood flow, causing it to retract,” explains Allison. Atrophy of the penis can also occur, although it is less likely related to lack of sex and more often caused by aging or injury.
Fantasies rarely come true
Most people seem content to keep their strictly imaginary sexual fantasies. Less than a third of study participants said they had already achieved their biggest fantasy, Lehmiller says.
Vibrators were first developed as a medical device
The vibrator was invented in 1869 as a treatment for “hysteria” and the mysterious “female disorder,” Allison says. Whenever a woman was mentally or emotionally upset, a large steam massager was used to massage the genitals with the aim of causing “hysterical climax”, the term for orgasm at the time.
75% of women do not have an orgasm after “regular” sex
Many people worry that the female partner will not have an orgasm during so-called “normal” sex. But not only is this completely normal, but it is for the vast majority of women, says Buehler. 75% of women need direct clitoral stimulation – with a hand, a toy or a special position – to achieve orgasm.
The egg chooses the “winning” sperm
Can you still imagine conceiving a baby as an egg race where the fastest sperm wins and passes its genes to the infant? It’s one of the most common myths, says sex therapist Jill McDevitt, an expert in human sexuality. “In reality, eggs have sophisticated biological mechanisms that actively choose the sperm they allow and they are not always the first to show up,” explains Jill McDevitt.
Sex during the breakup, not always a bad idea
A new study, published in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, finds that not only does sexual intercourse not interfere with the separation process, it could on the contrary help ‘close the case’.
A list of desired celebrities?
Who is the main target of fantasies? More than half of respondents said they fantasize about their current partner, while only 7% said they fantasize about certain celebrities, Lehmiller says. Ultimately, celebrities don’t really have a lot of fantasies after all.
The 4 stages of sexual relations
Do you know the four basic steps? “Make sure you get to each step before moving on to the next. Start with kisses, then hugs, move on to fingering, and finally sex, ”Miller advises.
Seniors have one of the best sex
In fact, having sex experience can mean that your sex life is more fulfilling than younger ones. Adopting a healthy lifestyle by exercising, eating properly and managing stress is the key to a healthy sex life, says Sarah de la Torre, obstetrician-gynecologist.
Sex toys are not regulated
You would think something that is designed to be placed in such an intimate area would be subject to federal or commercial oversight to ensure safety and quality standards, but sex toys are not considered medical devices. and, as such, they are absolutely unregulated, explains Jessica Gordon, owner of a daring boutique.
“There are items on the market now that are made from materials that are prohibited for use in children’s toys,” she says. “Beware of online sellers on platforms like Amazon and eBay. Buy only from trusted stores that are committed to only selling sex toys and lubricants that are safe for the body and non-toxic, ”recommends Jessica Gordon.
Getting tied up?
So if everyone has fantasies, which one is the most common? “The most popular sexual fantasy among Americans today is multi-partner or group sex, followed by bondage (or BDSM), a sadomasochistic sexual practice in which one partner is tied,” says Lehmiller.
Conservatives are more likely to fantasize about immorality
“A lot of demographics, including political trends, affect sexual fantasy statistics,” Lehmiller says. For example, his research, done in the United States, found that compared to Democrats, Republicans were more likely to fantasize about sexual activities that are generally considered immoral – like infidelity and orgies – or taboo – like voyeurism. But what is really behind infidelity?
Too much masturbation makes sex more complicated
Many men suffer from “delayed ejaculation,” says Cyndi Darnell, clinical sex therapist and relationship therapist. One of the reasons for this is an ‘idiosyncratic masturbation style’ which means that they have become accustomed to a certain type of pressure and speed while masturbating manually and now find it difficult to reproduce it with a partner vaginally or orally, making it a less than satisfying experience for both partners, she says.
The penis and vagina represent less than 10% of the erogenous zones
The whole body is erogenous… focusing only on the genitals can put pressure on performance, according to Darnell.
Rather than focusing directly on the genitals, spend time arousing the whole body by stimulating each limb and torso, she recommends. “Going straight to the genitals is often the cause of unsatisfactory sex in long-term relationships,” she says.
You can have an STI and not know it
Sexually transmitted infections can be sneaky, so even if you think you know your body really well and are careful who you sleep with, you can still have one of these dangerous infections, says Robert Huizenga.
“Far too many people forget that STIs don’t always have obvious telltale symptoms,” he says. This is why it is so important for all sexually active adults to get tested frequently.
You can’t tell if your partner has an STI just by looking at them
“A common mistake people make is confusing good hygiene with good health,” says Noni Ayana, sex therapist. “Just because your partner looks clean on the outside doesn’t mean he’s free from STIs on the inside.” Many STIs have no visible symptoms. Healthy sex life means having a conversation with your sex partner to discuss a plan on how to keep each other safe and healthy.
Desire doesn’t always precede excitement
It is a myth that you have to have sexual desire before you can be aroused. In fact, for some people, it’s even the opposite, notes marriage and family therapist Irene Schreiner. “In people who have low libido, in order for them to feel the desire to have sex, they must first be aroused. That’s why regular flirtation and physical affection are so important, ”she concludes.
No torque is perfectly balanced
You might think that if you could match your partner’s libidos with yours, your life would be honey and dew. The truth, however, is that no pair is perfectly in sync and libidos are constantly varying, says Schreiner. “There is often one person with one stronger desire than the other in a relationship,” she says.
Sex doesn’t have to end in orgasm
“The idea that sex should lead to orgasm can be a very damaging thought for people of all genders and sexualities, as it puts undue pressure on these people and can lead to anxiety – the two enemies of pleasure.” sexual, ”says Melissa Coats, Sex Therapy Advisor. “There are many ways to find pleasure in sexual contact without reaching orgasm.”
1 in 6 women have never had an orgasm
About 15% of women say they have never reached an orgasm. “I have a lot of clients in my office, especially women, who are concerned that there is something dysfunctional in their body if they’ve never had an orgasm,” Coats says. Aiming for an absolute orgasm hijacks the actual pleasure you can experience and derive from a healthy sex life, she says. Know that reaching orgasm is not a requirement to enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sex life.
The most effective “sex toy” is your voice
Do you think that if your partner really loves you, he / she sure knows how to make you happy in bed? Think again, says Melody Li, marriage and family therapist, relationship specialist.
“North American culture has long made women ashamed of taking charge of their sexual pleasure. I personally encourage partners to stop guessing and to express themselves, verbally or through touch. It is perfectly normal to ask for what you like! ”She concludes.
Sex therapy isn’t just for virgins and virgins
Anyone can have sexual problems. A trained sex therapist can help you identify and resolve underlying issues, Coats points out.
“When an individual feels anxious about their body or their ability to perform, it is very likely that they are not feeling pleasure,” she explains. “Anxiety is usually present when someone experiences a variety of issues such as premature ejaculation, desire issues, erectile dysfunction, or a lack of confidence in their body image.”
The condom remains the method of contraception par excellence
The famous “withdrawal” method, which consists of withdrawing your penis from the vagina just before ejaculation, is not very effective in preventing pregnancy, underlines Zvi Zuckerman, doctor and sex therapist. Between 10% and 18% of women who “use” this method become pregnant within a year.
“The man must have a high level of control over his ejaculation and a great responsibility to retire on time,” he explains. “If the ejaculatory spasms have already started, a few drops of semen in the vagina are enough to cause pregnancy. Each drop of semen contains a large amount of semen. Sometimes a man does not even feel those first drops, ”Zuckerman continues.
You can break a penis
A fracture of the penis is indeed possible, although relatively rare. “The highest risk of penile fractures occurs when the couple changes position while the erect penis remains inside the vagina,” he explains. “If you want to change your position, I recommend that you start by removing the penis completely from the vagina.”
Sexting can improve your relationship
Sending steamy messages and photos to your better half increases both your sexual satisfaction and the overall state of your relationship, says Emily Stasko, lead author of a study on the impacts of sexting on sex.
“We found a relationship between sexting and sexual and relationship satisfaction,” said Emily Stasko. However, for people who received or sent a single sext, it appears to have diminished their sexual satisfaction. This could indicate that bold messages are harmful in building a relationship, but helpful in maintaining one.
A cucumber is not a sex toy
Silicone, steel, Pyrex, glass or specially laminated wood are the only materials that are actually safe for use inside your body, according to a review from Yale University. Toys made with vinyl, latex or a combination of these materials with other plastics are not considered safe for skin contact and should only be used with the addition of a condom, have added the researchers.
Sex is a powerful medicine
Having a great sex life is not only good for your mood, but studies have shown that it can also improve your heart health, boost your immune system, and lower your chances of getting cancer. Researchers say it’s because good sex lowers your stress levels, improves hormonal balance, and even counts as some exercise. Best workout ever?
Too many people still think that a “good” sexual experience should be like what they see in a pornographic movie. Still, life shouldn’t imitate art, says psychologist and sex therapist Alex Chinks. The films are a concoction of fantasy, special effects and editing that loosely relate to reality. It’s important to realize that great sex is usually achieved through the simplest of acts and a meaningful connection with your partner.
Using the right personal lubricant can make (more) the difference, says Maureen Miller. “Put a drop or two in a condom before you put it on – you’ll wonder why you’ve never done this before,” she says. The lubricant also facilitates female masturbation when the partner is less skilled.
Lack of erection doesn’t mean he’s not aroused
“I have no idea why the myth persists that an erect penis has to stay erect to show its interest. Sex is likely to explore many types of pleasure, including relaxing pleasure (eg, massage) and comforting touch (eg, a hug), ”Prause says. An erection therefore does not mean automatic penetration, nor is it the only indicator of a man’s arousal.
80% of women will have painful sex
The vast majority of women will have painful sex at least once in their lifetime, says pelvic pain expert Tara Langdale-Schmidt. “If this happens to you, don’t be ashamed and turn to painkillers,” she says. “There are many resources you can turn to for help, information, and treatment that can help you.”
Most women can have multiple orgasms
Whether it is a lack of understanding of their own body or their partner not understanding what good sex is, many women do not take advantage of the fact that they can have multiple and different orgasms, says John Wilder, relationship and sexual coach. The real problem is that there is no such thing as a “sex school” for adults and it is assumed that everyone will know and understand how to do it. But good sex comes with time, too often it’s a learned skill, John Wilder thinks.
Sense of humor is the sexiest attribute
“If sex is going to be passionate, it has to be fun too, so don’t be afraid to smile and even laugh during sex, especially with the occasional accident,” says Jonathan Bennett, relationship coach. Farting during sex can happen. It is also possible to fall out of bed, lose a contact lens, increase your pressure or make a wide variety of strange noises. So don’t take yourself too seriously during the act. Get comfortable with each other and experience more than one range of emotions during sex.
Sex should never hurt
“Sex should never be painful,” says Buehler. “One way or another, women often get the message that sometimes sex is painful. The act of being deviated can be uncomfortable, but after that first sex, none should be painful. If so, talk to your doctor about the causes and possible treatments, she says.
Tips to improve your sex life
Several factors contribute to a good quality of life: a healthy diet, physical activity, peace of mind at work and, last but not least, a satisfying sex life. Although culturally it is still difficult to admit, sex life also affects everyday life, both in a positive and a negative sense. It is therefore right to give it the attention it deserves and address the issue with the utmost serenity. If you have at least once caught the thought that you need to improve the quality of your sex life, we tell you that it is possible to do so by following a few simple suggestions.
Don’t neglect the foreplay
In a stable relationship there is a real risk of falling into boredom also from a sexual point of view, in the sense that over time many things concerning sexual intercourse could be taken for granted, such as, for example, foreplay. This is the biggest mistake that can be made: foreplay should never be neglected, they are part of a game of seduction and mutual acquaintance that must never be put aside.
Always to avoid falling into boredom and therefore having a monotonous and not very stimulating sex life, it is necessary to introduce novelty in the relationship with the partner. What innovations can be introduced? You can propose and experiment with new positions or new places in which to give vent to your fantasies and, why not, you can also use disguises and sex toys.
What we eat and what we drink can affect our sex life. Of all the things we ingest, there is one that is a false friend of sex: alcohol. While it can initially make you more uninhibited and uninhibited, it can actually induce temporary sexual difficulties, in both men and women. Therefore, before sex, it is better to prefer foods that really can promote healthy sexual activity, such as chocolate, which releases endorphins, or avocado, rich in vitamins D and E that provide the right energy.
The post cuddles
Post-intercourse should never be neglected either: research has shown that people who spend time together at the end of sexual intercourse claim to be more sexually and relationally satisfied. Cuddling, being hugged, being in contact are all aspects that favor the degree of satisfaction of sexual activity.
Sex is not just penetration
It is limiting to consider sex only for the penetrative act: the whole body must participate, it must be involved. In this regard, we remember the role that the clitoris plays in the sexual life of women: it is the part of the female genital organ richest in nerve endings and therefore, remember that it could be the protagonist of the turning point in your sexual life. And if you have any physiological problems with the clitoris, there is a branch of plastic surgery ready to help you: through a clitoral exposure intervention, a very simple and short-term intervention, which provides for a fast and optimal recovery, you can safely hope finding or achieving a very satisfying sex life.